don't let me screw it up.

The funniest thing happened to me today. I went to KLCC with my mom and my sister this afternoon, and being penniless, I spent most of my time there reading in Kinokuniya. I was reading in the young adult section, which is next to the children books section. And of all days, my phone’s battery decided to go haywire today. I was highly absorbed with one of the books that I read when my sister called me to ask whether or not I wanted to eat. At that point, my battery’s condition was at its lowest and the call was cut off a few seconds after I answered it. The word ‘shit’ automatically escaped my lips, it was like a reflex respond or whatschmacallit, I don’t take biology and god knows I have forgotten SPM. It was much to my surprise when I turned my head to see that there were three innocent kids staring at me. Like, literally staring. And that’s not the last of it. Their mother or guardian was staring at me too. I almost died out of embarrassment. Lucky me that she didn’t give me one of those evil stares, I think she was somewhat holding back a laugh. I was speechless for a few seconds that felt like forever, but then I came to my senses and said sorry. I stood up, put the book back on the shelf, said sorry again, and hurried to the exit. I think one of the kids covered her ears with the book she was reading when I stood up. Adoi.

Give it to three Arabian kids to make me feel like a million times less of a good example. But honestly, I mean come on, shit is not that bad of a word la kan? I don’t really regard it as profanity; people say it all the time anyway. 

Macam-macam lah. Haha. 

This post really is a pointless one.

mind over matter

My SAT scores came out last Thursday. What’s done is done, and it is a good thing that I am not weeping. I got a total of 1750, and although my national percentiles are all above average, I have to say that it was nowhere near my target score. I was hoping for 1850 at the very least, and since I knew it was impossible to surpass 2000 (not impossible, I just didn’t work that hard) I thought 1900 would be somewhat a good score to obtain. But 1750 it is. I had a hard time looking at my laptop screen, trying to decipher the numbers that appeared before me, and I think I blurted out quite a number of curses excuse me haha when I saw my score. I swear that I was exceptionally nervous, I was practically screaming my lungs out through the phone sorry jo heh you know me.

The best score so far is obviously Philip’s. I won’t say anymore, because I know he is the hardworking type, so he deserved every single point he received. He got a brilliant 1970, but he stated very clearly that “a resit is a must”. Haih, unfathomable, I know, but I am seemingly starting to get used to this kind of reaction. People around me are no doubt, excessively smart and are perfectionists. Haha, this is why I frequently wonder where I fit in their circle.

Actually, the scores wouldn’t have bothered me very much if it wasn’t for those private universities. I know that my scores are good enough to gain entry into any public universities in the states, despite my low writing percentile. But 4 years isn’t a short period of time, I definitely wouldn’t want to live in a rural area for that long. Some people might feel indifferent about this, and I get the fact that my reason is somewhat silly, but I don’t want my university years to be away from civilization. Okay haha that was harsh. Most of the private universities Stanford esp heh I’m obsessed are situated close to the cities. Call me a brat, but I can’t help it if I am a city girl at heart. I have always known that rural areas and I don’t blend well, so why gamble on that? I don’t think I’d be able to live in a place where I have to take a 2 hour train ride just to window shop. I like walking. I would even walk by myself just to fill in spare time, to kill the boredom. I’m proud to say that I’m pretty independent that way. Those train rides would drive me absolutely insane in no time. And living near the canyons might be fun for the first few months, but 4 friggin years? One can only endure in so many rocks as everyday view, obviously.

So now I’m just going to put this off. I have 2 months to think whether or not I want to repeat the test. I loathe the process, but if it’s worth the while, than I guess I will just have to get along with it. Sigh.

I went to sleep in the wee hours in the morning because I was so absorbed with Twilight. And Chemistry is this Friday.

I should really start studying.

post egg tarts.

well. 

i do love to eat. 

if you know me then you would know that i really do.

but it really is annoying when i have to eat 

that many times in a day to assure that i'd be able to do anything at all. 

hmmm.

it has always been, after all.

Oh hey there :)

Well, I am currently undergoing the infamous AS examinations. I already sat for one paper, 7 papers to go, and I thought time is supposed to pass by swiftly? Trust me, this is anything but swift, I can’t stand the pressure already adoi.

My first paper was really crappy and yes I am worried lah, but then at this point I figured that I have given what I could (alright, maybe I could have given it a bit more) and what’s done is done so there is no point in cycling around that matter. That does not sound like me lol. Or does it? Okay whatever it is I am determined to do better for the other two chemistry papers that I have left. It is okay that I sort of screwed up the practical paper heh.

And I am sitting for physics structured question paper tomorrow huuuu takut! My lecturer did not exactly give any tips, and everyone knows that physics requires a lot of knowledge in application, so yeah.

It doesn’t help that I keep on falling sick and feeling sickly too. Sometimes I wonder if there is anything wrong with me but every time I visit the doctor it’s always the same old flu. Well I thought that if things don’t get better soon I should have a thorough check up tapi takutlah, what if there really is something wrong with me. Taknakkkkk! Hmm.

Anyway, I went to Kakak’s wedding yesterday and despite feeling sick at first I managed to have some fun. Initially I wanted to attend the wedding because I wanted to see those cousins that I haven’t met in the longest time, but as usual, things don’t happen when you want them to happen most sigh. Instead of the usual “young generation table hoohaa”, my siblings and I were seated with an uncle of ours and an atuk sedara with their respective wives. Hence, all the clichéd conversations and fake laughs every once in a while. Okay fine, I did not fake every laugh tapi banyak jugakla kot haha. You know how things are with the elders, their jokes are of high corporate standard obviously and most of the time, I just don’t get the amusement heh forgive me for being blunt. And just to note, i wore a completely off theme outfit (black & white instead of yellow? erk) because i didn't plan on attending at first due to the examinations, sorry!

Butbutbut, I did get to see Sazali, my god I haven’t seen him in eons that I didn’t recognize him at all at first. I was like, “abang who’s that eh he looks like Sazali tapi I don’t think he’s Sazali, because they look kind of similar but different”. Okay I thought he looked older than he is supposed to la, that’s why I had doubts that he was Sazali. I could have sworn that I saw grey hairs but apparently that was just the reflection of the lights. But I don’t feel super bad or anything because he didn’t remember my name haih, he remembered my brother’s and sister’s though fineeeeeeee!

And there was also this one really adorable girl named Zahra, eee she is so adorable I couldn’t stand it! I have pictures of her but malas la nak upload, I’ll upload them later, she’s supposed to be my niece or something like that. But she is so adorable macam nak kidnap bawak balik hehe :)

Alrighty then. I supposed I should stop since I have physics to revise still. Please pray for me if you’re reading this, I need all the help I can get.

Taaaaaa!

little thoughts.

happy 18th birthday chubby

enjoy being legal!

i love you to bits :)

i miss my egyptian mookies.

faster la come backkkkk!

when still frames won't do

You won’t miss the water until it’s gone. I supposed it is true, no? I mean, there are things that we miss from time to time, or probably all the time even. I just had this talk with my housemates and it made me realize that I do miss a lot of things.
And you know, there are things and feelings that we will never get back. Like the bunk bed that you slept on in your boarding school or the house that you lived in when you were three. Or the silly talks that you have with your friends when all of you are still together, wearing your uniforms, all naïve and raging with curiosity.
It is funny when I think about it. How people take things for granted, and rant about how we should have given more thought, care etc later. It’s ironic but we can’t help it, can we? We lack the sense to regard something as important as it is supposed to be.
Sometimes I feel like I can’t wait for my A-Level program to end so that I can go abroad and experience new things. But then lately I start to wonder if I will be able to make it through it all without that sense of familiarity lingering around. I mean, it is a whole new place, and however I put and twist it, it won’t be the same as it is now. Things and matters will be, how do I say it, more diversified somehow. And then the thoughts of leaving this life I’m living now, I have gotten so used and comfortable to it. The apartment that I am currently residing in feels like home, most of the time more homey than the supposed place I call “home”. Yes, it takes a lot of willpower and toleration dealing with some people, and yes, it gets annoying sometimes but there are people that I really love here. Like my housemates and them homeboys, they feel so much like home that I don’t feel insecure to open up to them. It’s almost as if I feel safe and protected around them, and that as long as I have all of them around me, things are going to be okay. What can I say, I really am going to miss all of this.
Haha, no wonder break ups are so hard to get through. Think of all the things that we have gotten so used to, like the late night phone calls and the I love yous and the I miss yous or that warm feeling that we get when we know the person that we care about feels the same way or the fact that, no matter what, we will always have someone to turn to. Breaking up is like losing a part of our body. It’s corny I know, but it is true, try denying it, but you know it is true. And the worst part is, we can’t get it back, however you try, it just won’t be the same.
We miss the things that we can’t get back. To me, missing those things can be a huge torture. Imagine having to live your whole life longing for something like that, it certainly can be painful at certain times, can it not? Move on, people say, but we carry all those things still, even when we are moving on. It’s the same as being able to forgive, but not forget. There will be times when all those things that we miss are going to hit us hard in the face.
Like how I miss my grandfather. and this one particular day I spent with my family during Ramadhan a few years back. and getting wet in the rain with them mookies. Little things, but they matter a great deal. And I can’t get them back. Hmm.

Well, I don’t know how everyone else feels about this. But.

I guess all these feelings that I get when I miss or long for something, let me know that I have that humane part inside of me.
Haha. It is kind of comforting to know that you’re not exactly Cruella De Vil.
Everything does have its good and bad side after all :)

you can't run away.

hello blog! and readers too, imaginary ones and non-imaginary heheh. oh and hello may too. although it is already the 5th, or is it 6th? wait, today is the 4th. pardon mayh! i last blogged in april and today is sunday, and a lot happened throughout the week so am just going to, as usual, note down what happened :)

alright so had a barbecue with the class on monday at linda's. we had chicken, lamb, mash potato, pasta (which i cooked! ngaaaa) and some other good food haha. the boys came late so us girls started grilling the divines first, and they took over when they arrived. played twister and chong tai tee, or something that sounds like that. twister was superbly hilarious, we sure were twisted alright. and then we celebrated farah's birthday! she was pleasantly surprised :) spent the night at linda's with ash and yan, had comforter war throughout the whole night with them. i don't have any pictures of the night since yours truly does not own a camera, i thought i'd bug faiz to give me the photos but he's not online, so yeahh.

alright and then skipskipskip tak ingatlah. what happened yeahh? i got full marks for pure math, heee happynyee, though basically all of them used that to bahan me tapi mcm whatever, i got my first 100% and that felt good peeps! i got a new phone too, it isn't all that lah, but it has all the essentials, so i am just contented enough that i don't have to use that dysfunctional razr anymore. about timeeeeeee.

omg seriously tak ingat ape jadi. OH. SAT is over and done with! only god knows how delighted i was when the test was over, i was cheering about like nobody's business heehee. i wrote crap in the essay, but the rest of the test was easier than the practice tests in the book, so i hope i'll get good marks. please oh please i need them points!

alright and i went to pyramid with the royal joness for dinner, had sakae, and i just found out that she does not eat sashimi. aiyoo wehh, what is wrong with you people? what do you guys have against sashimi wehh? i don't understand at all. walked around and i told her about the chia and the rempit yeah malas nak cerita here. and omg. the zip of my pants broke in metropolitan, and i was like, why the fook does this have to happen during SAT? macam macam btl.

gaga. and now i am sorta down with flu. which sucks because flu usually means lack of sound power, bencilah asyik takde suara. gahh. 

until later, toodles people.